Thursday, June 24, 2010
I can't quantify how much I hate Lance Armstrong right now. He taunts me at every corner. I see images of him everywhere I go now, and I've started seeing yellow livestrong bracelets everywhere including on my oncologists. And maybe just because its summer more people are wearing a lot of bright yellow. Only select people can pull off bold color blocking of yellow. Yellow is not a great color on a lot of people, especially on cancer patients. I blame Lance for that. Lance Armstrong and I are enemies. He doesn't know it yet but I am sure he would be afraid.
It has now been four weeks since my surgery and four weeks of waiting. Have I said I'm impatient? I'm an impatient patient. I have survived a month long torture session and now face my demon. No I don't get face Lance yet, just images of him taunting me waiting rooms.
I had to wait four weeks for a second set of CT Scans to see if the cancer had spread. After drinking copious amounts of berry flavored barium solution and being injected with another contrast dye, I have to say it was better the first time when I was high off the post surgery meds. Being fully conscious to understand how bad barium is just cruel.
So today the results are in. Cancer has spread to my abdomen. Yes it is slow growing. I am in a way relieved. Now that I know, I can plan. After weighing the pros of cons of different treatment options, in concurrence with Jonny, I will undergo Chemo therapy.This was a difficult decision to make and one that will be more difficult to endure but will have the most favorable long term outcome.
To help with my planning of the next few months I met with a cancer social worker today. She was wearing yellow. It wasn't her color either. She decided to tell me a little bit about her problems, to which my inner monologue said "Um I don't really care about your problems Miss Over-share 2010; I have cancer dummy." Okay so if you know me well enough you know that was the PG version. I think that she should find a new profession I don't find her comforting or helpful.
So now I start planning. I plan to buy a lot of hats. I will be wearing a fedora at the upcoming nuptials of my brother. I plan on getting a tan. I plan on telling Lance that yellow is not really a good color for cancer.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
I have decided that when you find out you have cancer, the first thing you should go out and do is get a tan. While this may not apply in cases of skin cancer I think it is the best advice I can give before you have a surgery to remove tumors from your body. Spray tan will work too.
The weekend before I had surgery, I spent a lot of time outdoors playing. I got some great color. I was blessed with skin that holds a nice bronzy tan. So flash forward to after my surgery. I had so many people coming over to drop off food or just come and keep me company. The first thing almost everyone said was how great I looked. Maybe everyone just expected me to look all cancery and or pale because I would be all sad about loosing a nut, but I think my bronzy glow helped me to look healthy and vibrant. I have determined that the tan help reduce cancer face by at least 83%.
I also highly recommend when you have cancer making sure you have really super awesome amazing friends. If you don’t have friends maybe you need to look at your social skills and tune them up a bit. I must to say that I have amazing friends and family. Since my surgery two weeks ago, Jon and I have barely had to cook. I have had rounds of fresh flowers, fruit baskets, and edible arrangements and so many great gifts with ball related humor. Although I have to say that I am surprised that no-one took to the opportunity to get me set of UniBall pens. It is now the only pen brand that I will use. One of my friends slash nurse maid for the day even took me to rent a wheel chair until I felt comfortable enough to walk again.
It has now been two weeks since I had my testicle pulled through my abdomon, and I am almost back to my old self minus a nut. The only reason for this is, is the care and support from all of those people in my life. They helped in my speedy recovery. It was also the tan.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
I started a blog talk about my cancer. In recent weeks I have been at a loss for words and been lax about posting mainly because I don’t really have any news. I had my first appointment with an oncologist. It left me feeling a little bit helpless, confused and stabby all at the same time.
The pathology of my right testicle came back seminoma tumor. While this type of cancer is the rarest form of testicular cancer, it is also the most treatable. I have been told that this cancer is very slow growing. Which makes it harder to stage. After my original scans taken post surgery the Drs had concerns about some small lymph nodes that are also concerning because I was blessed with more than normal. Do I get a medal for that? I now have to wait until June 24th to get repeat scans at which point they will see if these spots have grown, which if the cancer spread they will grow by then.
Although my Oncologist seems well qualified, she talked about her gut feeling. I don’t know If I like her saying “My gut feeling is that this has spread and you will need chemo.” I am trying to plan a wedding and my life for the next few months. I can’t plan around a gut feeling. I can’t plan anything when I don’t really know anything. This is the hardest aspect of having cancer. Not knowing and no plan. I like a plan. I am a planner. I want to know if I am going to have hair for my brothers wedding or for that matter mine.
So now I wait. Patience is not a virtue I was blessed with. I was however blessed with finding the love of my life; Jonny. He has the patience for both of us. He makes me laugh when I can’t deflect my pain with witty repartee. He finds joy that the needles they use to take my blood instantly retract. And he distracts me with Nintendo. And he never lets me wallow.
Jonny has been letting me play the cancer card. Which he also found for me. “Having cancer is hard, finding help shouldn’t be.” I use it when I am feeling lazy or really want to get my way. I don’t know how long I am going to get away with using it though. It is really handy so I keep it in my right pocket at all times just in case. It’s hard to argue with cancer.